


Poems from an Insomniac

by Fallen_angel_of_time23



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: 3 am poetry, No Beta, Other, Random Drabbles, collection of my works, feel free to enjoy them though, i do this for fun, idea of an insomniac, some are funny, some are just plain wtf, this is mostly so these are all in one place
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 05:51:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10758045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallen_angel_of_time23/pseuds/Fallen_angel_of_time23
Summary: random poems I write throughout my life. Some are better than others, but I wanted to keep them all together in one place so I put them here. Emjoy is you dare venture into my 3 am mind of crazy.





	1. A Confession

* * *

 

I am a murderer.

You see,

I kill time.

~ Procrastination

P.S. –

I kidnap

motivation.

And torture

Satisfaction.

I neglect

priorities.

And I fester

Stress.

I indulge

Pleasure.

And compromise

Logic.

I warp

Perception.

And I lie to

Reality.

I bring

Sickness.

And ward off

Sleep.

I consume

Responsibilities.

And my companions are

Guilt and regret.

* * *

 


	2. What is My Name?

* * *

I am death.

 

No, I am not “Death” in the sense that

I have a dark robe or cloak

and carry a scythe.

No I am different.

Sentient in a way that

I exist but no more so than

your average plant.

 

I do not steal, or collect,

the souls of the dead or the dying.

I do not command reapers

or deal with angels.

 Devils and demons never cross my path,

and there is no god I have met.

 

I am death.

 

I am known by many names

throughout many languages and cultures.

 I am universal.

I love no one,

and yet I hate none.

I am eternal,

 yet I am a social construct.

 

I am all encompassing,

all consuming.

 I am dark and light.

I am salvation and damnation.

 I can be warm or cold.

Void of anything or filled with everything.

 I can protect, or I can kill.

 

I am death.

 

I am everything and nothing.

I exist and I am an illusion.

I was created long before knowledge,

and I will end long after infinity.

I am a daily aspect

and I am a yearly one too.

 

I can be forgotten.

I can be ignored.

I can be watched.

I can be followed.

I am a measurement,

and I can be measured.

Change causes me to be constant,

yet I constantly cause change.

 

What am I?

 

I take opportunity,

and I take challenges.

I take discourse, and agreement.

I keep emotions,

and I keep logic.

 I keep ideas,

and I keep ignorance.

I take color,

and I keep black and white.

 

I bring disaster

and new beginning.

 I bring change and fixation.

 I bring the sun,

and I bring the moon.

I bring fate and destiny.

 I bring chaos and peace.

I bring balance.

 

I am life.

I am death.

 

I am time.

* * *

 


	3. Identity

 

* * *

 I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

I soar like an eagle

My wings catching

 

The ever changing

Winds of my homeland

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

I hear the howling

Of the vicious wind

 

A collection of cruel voices

Good thing I’m thick-skinned

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

I can feel the mist

As it covers my skin

 

Within chaos’ midst

I am cleansed

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

The silvery sheen

Holds a new beginning

 

I glisten and gleam

This is my becoming

 

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

I see it now

The natural power

 

I can hear its vow

To bring beautiful destruction

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

Its promise swirls

Creating painful loss

 

But I am stronger

I organize the chaos

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

In a circle of dark

I am bathed in light

 

Though I am blind

I have inner sight

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

I listen to my voice

It is my inner self

 

It speaks of the future

And nothing else

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

They say I can’t

Escape the storm

 

Because I am

Forever deformed

 

I am in the eye

Of the storm of my Identity

 

But I say I

Can’t escape because

 

I am the eye

In the storm of my Identity

* * *

 


	4. Dancer Within

 

* * *

 

Who are you in life?

Are you hindered by obstacles?

Don’t worry, Daughter, about your identity.

Finding oneself can be stormy.

But deep within you, there lives a dancer,

And she will help you, remember?

 

You must remember,

When I said, “You are not alone in life.”

She is always with you, your dancer.

She is never bound by obstacles.

She will dance no matter how stormy

The journey becomes to your identity.

 

You, Daughter, define your identity.

So, listen and remember:

Do not fear the stormy

Days within your journey of life.

They can’t hinder you, your limitations

If you learn from your dancer.

 

Become one with your dancer.

Together you will create your identity,

And succeed past your obstacles.

Just promise you’ll remember,

That throughout your life,

Some days will be stormy.

 

But it’s okay for some days to be stormy.

You are now your dancer,

You know the dances that bring happiness in life.

So, dance your way to your identity,

Because you will remember,

You are stronger than your obstacles.

 

And to those who create your obstacles,

Which cause some of your days to be stormy,

Say to them: “Remember,

You too have a dancer,

Who will help you create your identity.

Is this how they would want you to live your life?”

 

Daughter, this is my advice, overcome your obstacles, and live the dancer life.

Some days will be stormy, so find strength in your identity.

And in your mind, remember, the freedom you found in the life of a dancer.

* * *

 


	5. Lost Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A midnight poem inspired by a conversation with a friend.

I was told, as a child,  
That America was free.  
I was told, as a child,  
This country would protect me.

I was never told, that  
America was my mother.  
I was never told, that  
Her protection wasn't forever.

I was told, as a teen,  
That I had unalienable rights.  
I was told, as a teen,  
That these were my birthrights.

I was never told, that  
These could be stripped away.  
I was never told, that  
It would happen today.

It just keeps coming! Omg.   
Will this poem ever end?   
For just as trouble feeds off gloom,  
My poem feeds off our impending doom.

I am told, now  
To protect those I love.  
I am told, now  
To pray to God, above.

I am not told, that  
Everything'll be okay.  
I am not told, that  
Tomorrow'll be a better day.

I may be told, soon,  
That world War 3 has started.  
I may be told, soon,  
That our freedom has departed.

I won't be told, that  
The President was impeached.   
I won't be told, that  
Our safety has been breached.


	6. Night Light

 

* * *

 

There was a moment,

A simple, single moment, In my childhood –

A moment that shattered my soul.

Like glass,

I cracked, Splintered, Shattered,

And broke.

Pieces of who I was Scattered within a void.

Years I looked,

Searching for what I once lost.

I thought light was on my side –

Banishing shadows So I could see.

What I did not know, though,

Was that what I sought Shined like a star.

And stars shine brightest

In the night.

I searched by light

Until hopelessness found a home

within the cracks of my heart.

Filled with despair,

I banished my light

In a fit of anger and fear.

Darkness flooded in

Blanketing all the light burned.

It hugged me tight,

Comforting me through my distress.

When I opened my eyes

I was surprised to find I could still see.

Unlike light,

Darkness didn’t hurt my eyes,

Or cause an ache in my head.

And with this new perception

I saw what I lost.

A beacon in the night,

Each piece shined bright.

I fixed my shattered soul that night,

Each piece I returned to its rightful place.

And once I was finished

They stopped glowing –

No longer needing to be found.

And the darkness enveloped me once again,

Squeezing me until all my pieces fused together again.

It was in this moment, I found the truth in the words

Joseph B. once spoke,

“For Darkness restores what light cannot repair.”

* * *

 


	7. Tacocat

* * *

 Victim to murderer.

Blood poured out

As Flesh met knife;

Pain met pleasure

As Screams met laughter

And Death met God.

* * *

 


	8. Lovely They Are, Those Creatures Of The Night

* * *

 

I learned young that

I could never love the day,

but that’s okay.

You see,

The one I did love

Showed me a new world.

I saw life in black and white

But, honey, my love

Brought color into my life.

I could never love the day

But that’s okay –

we are both creatures of the night.

* * *

 


	9. Short Story

* * *

 

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt.

It was but a chapter in a short story.

Passion and fire, burned through the night

Their connection instant and bright.

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt

It was but a chapter in a short story.

Awoken by a cloud of smoke

They weren’t made to last in a paper house.

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt

It was but a chapter in a short story.

Connection without investing

Their emotions were never given a chance to bloom.

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt

It was but a chapter in a short story.

Words spoken in a daze,

Become lies when the sun decides to rise.

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt

It was but a chapter in a short story.

She saw the cracks in their castle;

He got what he wanted then ran away.

It wasn’t long

It didn’t hurt

It was but a chapter in a short story.

* * *

 


	10. Identity

 

* * *

I've always been told who I was;

Daughter, girl, smart, creative, Indian.

 

My father prided himself

On a history I never knew.

Reminding me almost daily of a heritage 

From which I have been lost.

 

My mother prided herself

On reconnecting me,

A mission she failed

Through no fault of her own.

 

I've always told others who I was;

Daughter, girl, smart, creative, Indian. 

 

I prided myself

On an identity I didn't understand

Preaching to others facts I learned 

However unassociated I was.

 

I prided myself 

On the individuality I had

Jealousy and anger grew

"I'm the last one, not you!"

 

I've always been learning who I am;

Daughter, woman, intelligent, Native American, Cherokee bred.

 

I once told myself 

That I was in the eye

Of the storm 

Of my Identity. 

* * *

 


	11. Dangerous Dreams

There are two sides to every coin;

on one side wealth,

the more you possess the more you can do,

on the other side corruption,

some claim money is the root of evil.

 

There are two edges to swords;

one to save,

cut thy enemy down and you are free,

and one to cut yourself,

with blood on your hands intentions backfire.

 

There is double meaning in words;

one to reassure,

a surface level message delivered,

and one to keep secret,

a hidden message with different intent.

 

Dreams are the same;

one part is progress,

Oh! All that you can gain!

And one part is progress,

Oh! All that is lost in the process!

 

Dare to dream if you are brave;

But be warned: Bravery is by far,

The kindest word for stupidity. 

* * *

 


	12. Matter of Air

Our ancestors once faced

a moment that changed

all of history

with a collective sigh.

 

Our ancestors once faced

a chain of events

throughout history

with a collective cry.

 

In they breathed.

Out they breathed.

And changed with the wind.

 

They told me once

that matter is neither

created nor destroyed.

 

We now face

moments that will

change all of history

with worried gasps.

 

We now face

a chain of events

that will define our history

with panicked breaths.

 

In we breathe.

Out we breathe.

The same air of our ancestors.

 

History cannot repeat itself they say

yet matter cannot be destroyed

and here we are.

 

Maybe if we all stopped

and breathed in deeply

we would learn from our past.

 

Maybe it's not a matter of foresight,

but a matter of hindsight and air.

* * *

 


	13. Reflections

I feel cracked

like broken glass;

my shattered soul reflected

in every mirror I pass.

* * *

 


	14. Right place, Wrong time

Clinging to a hopeless memory,

the sands of time run dry.

I hear you call out my name,

But it's only for a last goodbye.

 

Here is a toast to what could've been,

a story that received no end.

Cut off at the start of the dance,

The path we walked had a sudden bend.

* * *

 


	15. Walking in Place

The sun rises the sun sets 

the day changes time resets

The world keeps turning ever so slow

and yet I still cannot let you go.

* * *


	16. Hidden Clarity

I understand 

This is how it has to be.

I forget you, and,

Well, you forget me.

 

Memories in the wind

The Sands of time run dry

We were never a thing 

So why do I still sit here and cry?

 

Summer fun

Nothing too extreme 

You were a flirt, a tease

But you never left my dream.

 

In a world of pain

You were my hope

But you ran, false in your words,

You left me to cope.

 

And now here I sit

Wishing it weren't so

Why can't I change this?

Why did you have to go?

 

I understand 

We are in the past

You have moved on

But my feelings still last

 

Longer than you want

Longer than you know

My feelings for you, well,

I'm hurt but they'll grow.

 

Don't you understand?

When will you see?

I left you whole,

But you ruined me...

 

I understand 

Trust me I do

Just don't ask me to accept it

Cuz I'll never be over you.

 

This is me

But where are you?

Does your heart hurt?

Do you long for me too?

 

Do you understand?

I can't accept this fate.

I fell in love,

Long before the first date.

 

And then I had to watch

As you walked away

You treated us as if

We were an average summer day

 

Nothing above special 

It was all so plain

We'll, you're the one who washed 

All the colors down the drain.

 

I put in my best effort

And I gave you my time

But you were so lost

I could never make you mine.

 

So here's to her

The girl of your future 

The one I'll never be

I bet she'll be cuter

 

May you live well

May you live long

But if you ever need me

Well, I'll never be gone.

* * *


	17. Unforgivable Regret

I miss you. 

Not us. 

You. 

 

I miss the friendship we once shared. 

You don't talk to me anymore. 

Why is that? 

 

On the rare occasions that you do 

the conversation is always so short. 

Am I not worthy of a reply? 

 

I used to send you snaps all the time. 

I learned not to. 

Since you never reply. 

 

What's going on? 

Are you okay? 

I'm moving on. 

Getting over you. 

But does that happen 

at the cost of a friendship? 

 

I remember I once told you 

how worried I was that 

I'd lose you one day. 

You promised me I never would. 

 

Is it still a friendship 

if we are never talking?

I still view your story. 

Is that not stalking? 

 

I remember I once told you 

about how much I valued our friendship. 

I hope it's not gone. 

Idk if I could forgive myself 

for letting it slip away. 

Did it disappear because of summer? 

Or just distance and time? 

 

I can't read minds. 

You'll have to send me words 

if you want me to know something. 

 

But do you miss me? 

Not us. 

That's over. Ik. 

But me. 

 

Do you miss 

the friendship that we shared? 

Is it as weird as you thought 

not having classes with me? 

 

Have you lost your head yet? 

Or something similar? 

Did it remind you of how 

I'd have returned it to you? 

How I'd have saved your ass?

 

Are we fated 

To just become two people 

with faded memories?

 

To occasionally have eachother 

cross our minds 

but to otherwise be forgotten 

by the other? 

 

Is that us? 

Are we to become strangers 

with forgotten memories? 

 

I hope not. Because I miss you.

 

I miss your humor.. Do you miss me? 

 

I miss your smile... Do you remember me?

 

I miss you.... Do even know my name?

 

I miss you..... Hello, stranger, it's nice to meet you.

* * *


	18. Tainted Love

I still dream about you ya know.

All the things that could've been;

All the things I lost to time.

 

I still let myself indulge,

In the daydreams from our past;

The ones where your eyes never leave mine.

 

I cling to whispered words,

and promises long forgotten,

And the gifts you gave me with a stormy heart.

 

My memory fades now -

Mixes the truth with tainted dreams;

I am starting to worry cuz I can't tell them apart.

 

Will it forever be this way?

Lost in a storm of Twisted agony,

I replace fact with fictional memories.

 

Unable to tell

The reality from the dreams,

You will always be in my fantasies.

 

Forever and always with you.

Not the way I imagined,

But nonetheless, it's a marriage for two.

 

Bound for eternity

But never in the flesh

Seared into my soul, there's nothing I can do.

 

You'll haunt me

As you always have 

I'll never escape our tainted love.

* * *


	19. One Day of Revenge

One day I'll show you,

With courage in my heart,

The words I wrote because of you.

 

One day you'll look

With understanding in your eyes,

At my emotions laid bare within a book.

 

One day I'll tell you,

With hesitation in my soul,

There's something else I can do. 

 

One day you'll know,

With regret poisoning your heart,

Just how far I am willing to go.

 

One day,

Some day soon,

I will make you pay.

 

One day,

Maybe tomorrow afternoon,

You will stop running away.

 

One day,

With karma on my side,

I'll make it your doomsday.

 

One day,

With a broken heart to mirror mine,

That's how you will forever stay.

* * *


	20. Scarred Possibilities

Do you still have that scar? 

The one that's shaped like a heart,

From your fall

Off your long board.

 

If so, has your girlfriend 

made the joke yet

about how you wear 

Your heart on your sleeve? 

 

Has she kissed it? 

Has she reminded you that 

your body is a canvas 

and your scars are beautiful? 

 

Has she told you that 

each scar is a reminder 

that you're alive? 

 

How each one has a story, 

but also holds a reminder 

that you have a future? 

 

Has she told you this yet?

do you know this? 

 

Because I would've

Reminded you everyday.

* * *


	21. Birthday Lies

It's your birthday today.

 

I sent you a message 

So simple and plain

 

I should be texting you

"Happy birthday Boo"

 

Making you cringe 

From past, overused terms

 

Yet smile because

You would know you're loved.

 

Instead I'm barely 

Scrapping by

 

On small talk

And a half said lie.

* * *


	22. The Reflection of False Hope

In a perfect world I'd be there with you,

laughing, smiling, having fun,

and loving you.

 

But this world isn't perfect.

It's dark and cruel and ugly.

 

People say they can find

beauty and happiness

in the smallest things.

 

But I can't.

 

Because whenever I find something

that makes me smile or laugh

whenever I find something beautiful or happy

 

I turn to share it with you

only to be reminded

that you're not next to me.

 

And suddenly that happy thing

just turned into a reminder

of how sad and ugly reality is

without you.

 

Mon amour.

* * *

 


	23. Twisted Fate

I'll never forget you.

I won't.

I can't.

Because everywhere I go

I'm reminded of you.

 

Rays of light remind me

of the spark in your eyes

and how you brightened up

my darkest days.

 

The moon and stars

reminded me of our late night conversations

and how our hidden wishes

would soar out to space.

 

Smells, tastes, sights, and sounds

all circle back to you.

 

How could I forget

what I see everyday?

How could I forget you?

 

The world is constantly

reminding me of you.

Because you were once

my whole world. 

* * *

 


	24. Corrupted Security

I loved you.

My prince charming.

Melter of frozen hearts.

 

You're smile was happiness.

You're eyes were understanding.

Your touch was caring.

Your personality sweet.

 

Charming.

 

Your words were a panacea for my troubles.

Your hugs an escape from reality.

You were my drug.

My addiction.

 

But now I understand

why rehab is necessary.

Some drugs are too strong

to be safe.

 

I know I overdosed on you. 

* * *

 


	25. Encaged Sorrow

I'm wearing a new sweatshirt

and wishing it was yours.

I can still smell you in the air.

 

Memories.

 

I wish that smell

was on my sweatshirt.

I wish it was one you used to own.

 

Dreams.

 

I'm hiding

in my sweatshirt.

Away from all of reality.

 

Memories.

 

Wishing I'd still call you mine.

Praying our love never dies.

 

I'm falling in my sweatshirt.

A black abyss of wanted love.

This still ain't your sweatshirt.

 

No matter how much I dream.

Wishing on a shooting star.

Your words have never seemed so far.

 

Like a rope about to break.

You dangle me above the ground.

 

Your words are lost within translation.

Yes, I'm half a world away.

And you don't seem to care.

 

I'm falling in my sweatshirt.

Still wishing it was yours.

Dangling from false hope.

 

Memories.

 

I feel your arms around me.

A ghost of a hug.

 

Memories.

 

I feel your lips on mine.

I can taste your kiss.

 

Dreams.

 

You haunt my mind.

You betray my heart.

You poison my soul.

 

I ache for you.

Longing for the past.

 

Memories. 

* * *


	26. Identity

I once told myself

that I was in

the storm of my identity;

I guess I could see the future.

 

My childhood was the pond

that thought itself a lake

connected to the ocean

through rain alone.

 

As a child my parents

they told me I was special

it was a long time before

I discovered I was average.

 

Longer still was it before I knew

that I was connected to my heritage

only through the broken

words, facts, and phrases I found.

 

My journey began

with a kindergarten teacher

married to a man whose title

but not identity I shared.

 

"My husband is this Indian,"

She said, finger pressed against her forehead.

"Not this kind of Indian,"

She'd add, finger now up like a feather in her hair.

 

Because of her I found

I was a little less special now

But my journey was not over yet

I still had to learn about "authentic".

* * *

 

[Note: incomplete]


End file.
